you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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