I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize