The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
jump out the window naked night went bad
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