I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
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I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
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I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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