I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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