I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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