loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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