Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
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How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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