she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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