Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
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Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
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I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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