I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize