please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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