Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
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I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
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Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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