Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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