Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Fuck appropriateness.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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