i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
two words: eviction party
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize