i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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