and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
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So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
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Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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