i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
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we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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