I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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