So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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