I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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