Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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