So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
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Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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