I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize