You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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