that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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