If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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