Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
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This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
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But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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