just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize