Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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