Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
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is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
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I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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