you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
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votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
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Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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