I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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