Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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