Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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