My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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