You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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