I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize