Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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