I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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