is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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