what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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