dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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