me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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