i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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