I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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