Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
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I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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