Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize