Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize